Everything can’t be everyone else’s fault. Someone may be responsible, but you have a role in your problems as well. And understanding this makes you accountable. 

I was familiar with accountability growing up. However after a few years of trauma and bad experiences at different points of my life I took on the victimhood and it became my identity. “Everyone did this to me” and “this is why I behave the way I behave”. It was easier to place blame versus dealing with the internal battles at hand.

I wanted out of the never ending cycle, I wanted true peace. In order to do that, I had to heal. In order to heal, I had to become aware of the things I did. In doing so, I found that I have toxic traits.

I Have Expectations Of Others

I unintentionally assumed everyone had the same upbringing as me and because I wouldn’t handle something a certain way, others wouldn’t do the same too. That’s not the case. People operate from their highest level of understanding and that looks different for everyone. While I may be able to process the errors in a particular action, I can not assume everyone else can do the same. And it’s vice versa. Things people may be able to see due to their experiences may take me longer to recognize because I lack experience in that.

I Detach From People Rather Quickly

Scared of hello, I ain’t scared of goodbye (August Alsina, FML)

It’s a lot easier for me to detach from someone than it is for me to become attached. I will give people a funeral in my head and from that point on, those individuals will be dead to me for all intents and purposes. This was just a trauma response I developed because I didn’t know how to process hurt. I rather cut you off than to communicate.

@symphani.soto If I’m cutting you off you know why lol #fyp ♬ original sound – ozu ♚

I People Pleased And Became Everyone’s Savior

For the sake of keeping the peace and being amicable, I traded my boundaries and comfort. I did it so frequently and easily until when I would have a difference of opinion or genuinely did not want to do something, others would get upset as if I committed a crime. This led to a toxic cycle of me pleasing others and being mad at myself. I took people pleasing to the max. I would try to be everyone’s savior even when I need saving. When those I helped showed me their true colors, I’d be upset, but in my heart I knew it was my fault because I created these issues.

Awareness is truly the first step. Since recognizing these traits in myself I have been moving with consciousness and intent. We are looking at ourselves in the mirror and holding ourselves accountable this year sis! Take your power back.