For centuries, the line between reality and fantasy has been manipulated for entertainment in our everyday lives. Scientists say that pathological lying dates back to the 1800s and remains a common human behavior to this day. Lying is one of the ways that we blend reality and fantasy worlds. Sometimes it’s without any bad intentions and other times at the detriment of those around us. We see this in films like Liar, Liar, in portrayals of celebrities and, most often, on social media platforms. People have crafted stories about their identities and circumstances that have helped them to garner views, checks and fame. While this is a form of deception with which many of us have become familiar, this style isn’t exactly pathological. Let’s take a closer look at the answers to the question, “Why do pathological liars lie?”
It isn’t the small, “white” lies that we tell to get out of things or avoid hurting feelings. Pathological lying is said to be done for the portrayal of the liar as the hero or victim. This method has also often been associated with personality disorders (narcissistic, antisocial and borderline personality disorders). They cause the liars to break the law, violate and manipulate others through their lies. They don’t care who they hurt in the process; it’s all about a one-up. Although, as they tell the lies over and over, they start to believe them, altering their own reality. Trauma of all kinds has also been tied to this behavior.
Compulsive vs. Pathological Liars
A therapist reporting to Healthline article defines pathological lying as the “chronic behavior of compulsive or habitual lying”. While compulsive liars lie out of habit, possibly for personal gain, it’s not as malicious or involved as the lies of a pathological liar. In some areas of life, lying is rewarded. Lawyers, politicians and other city officials have misconstrued information for personal gain, more specifically power. The lies are dramatic and detailed and the liar crafts these stories so that you won’t doubt “their truth.”
Most recently, a TikToker called, “Reesa Teesa”, shared a multi-part series titled, “Who The F*** Did I Marry?” In over fifty videos, she describes how she met, dated, married and divorced her ex-husband, an alleged pathological liar. Thousands, if not more, have circled around her to offer their support through sharing stories of their own and even offering to send her on trips. One of the places where lying, specifically pathologically, seems to rear its ugly head is in our dating circles.
Modern dating has made it so that you connect with prospects without meeting them, make plans with someone that you like before meeting them. It’s the perfect space for pathological liars to idealize their identities, craft “compelling” stories and build themselves up. It can be hard to realize and cope with being misled especially if it’s happened consistently over time. Handling these folks can be difficult, frustrating and sometimes pointless, but here are some tips on getting the job done.
How to Deal with a Pathological Liar
When it comes to dealing with a pathological liar, try your best not to lose your temper. Being deceived comes with a range of emotions and experiencing all or one of them while in connection to a pathological liar can feel overwhelming. Rely on your kindness and compassion, but still stand your ground.
This will most likely lead the pathological liar towards denial, initially. Expressing their shock through anger could be their next move, but remember that it’s their stuff, not yours. It feels personal because it’s happening to you, but the reason behind their actions has nothing to do with you. There could be known or unknown disorders that this person is battling, causing them to experience and cause friction.
It could be depression, anxiety or low self-esteem– common issues with which we are all familiar in one way or another. And, while we all lie, it’s within our power to practice honesty, put ourselves first, and suggest that they seek help.